Tuesday, 23 February 2016

REMEMBER THE DAY

Remember the day
That you looked in the mirror ad couldn’t recognize yourself
When you consciously put on a mask and left the house
That you hid yourself just to please them
The day when you knew you couldn’t leave
So you came up with a scheme to make him leave.

Remember the day
When he said you weren’t good enough and you stayed
When he said you don’t dress well and you stayed
When he criticized your eating habits and you stayed
When you hoped that he would change
And if he wouldn’t then you would have to.

Now remember the day
When he left and you got angry with yourself
How could you have been so foolish?
Don’t you love yourself?
How could you be willing to change yourself?

Yes, you’re not perfect
But why change who you are?
Why compromise your entire personality?
Why would you put off your dreams?
Why let him steal the things you love?

You are beautiful just the way you are
Imperfect yes
But so beautiful that another is willing to worship the ground you walk on
So beautiful that each time he sees you he falls in love more
So beautiful that he isn’t afraid of your dreams
That he wants to be there every step of the way.

He needs to love you
Not because of some irrational ideals
But because you are his trigger
His love
His muse
His constant reminder of beauty, hope and kindness.

Why you ask?
Because he saw you and couldn’t help himself
How do I know?
Because each time you’re together he appreciates you
With action
With gifts
With words
But mostly with his eyes

And we all know that the eyes are but a glimpse of the soul.

Jacquie


Tuesday, 22 September 2015

THE PERFECTLY CLAD GENTLEMAN


When he walks into the room you think he’s just another stranger clad in a perfect suit.
When he takes his seat,
It’s as if he has calculated a poise just to make you notice him, and it works.
You’re suddenly conscious of how you look.
Then you remember how you’d sat to know if it needs alteration.
If it does,
You make subtle changes so that he doesn’t notice.

When you’re perfectly placed, you glance in his direction.
“Thank God he’s looking elsewhere.”
You get enslaved in his aura before he actually looks at you.
You get so enticed that you forget to look away.
Then he turns in your direction.
You’re so startled you forget to react.

After a second you blush.
2 seconds later you break out into a sheepish smile.
And right then you can almost trace a smile starting at the corners of his mouth.
But you’re too nervous to wait it out.
You turn away but then you remember something you saw.

You look again.
And you can’t help but be mesmerized by those perfectly chiseled cheeks.
Those defined cheek bones are simply exquisite.
You’re so enthused you want to move closer and observe each contour.
This time he watches you.
The urge to turn away nudges you.
But this time you wait it out.

Your eyes move up until they stop on their own as if in his hands.
Those of a puppeteer.
You’re snared by those glimmering eyes
Perfectly sculpted as if they were meant to pierce your heart.
Then for a second you regain your bearings
And you look away.

The next time you look up
His eyes are on you.
You fight the urge to blush.
Your eyes seem to have missed the memo and so they sparkle.
It’s as if your body no longer serves one master.

A subconscious acceptance of this intrusion.
He pierces.
But even when he touches just the tip
The rest crumbles as if paving way for him to be engulfed into your soul.
As if you are ready to no longer stand on your own.

Finally you accept it. You smile.
He also smiles.
And as though telepathy is your language,
You both look away.
And every glance after is a perfect symphony whose only shortcoming is the people around you.



Thursday, 1 January 2015

LOOKING THROUGH THE WINDOW

I remember falling asleep thinking of her. I looked at her pictures and couldn’t help but miss those lovely eyes. I miss being around her because when she pouts, I just want to take a photo and show her how cute she looks. You should be with me when she blushes. To see the radiance she has, a radiance that touches the keenest part of your eyes. You’re left wondering whether such beauty can be yours for the asking.

This morning when I woke up, I looked outside the window. Everything was covered by the morning dew. The swing set by the lake caught my eye. The beads of water trickling as the red swing swung as if listening for the pace of the new dawn. I remembered how she loved swings and I could see her laughing with the wind blowing through her hair. Dressed in nothing more but a white dress and her lips painted red, the strands of her hair fell daintily on her face. As her laughter disappeared into the distance, I remembered the conversation we had last night.

We spoke to each other in a way only lovers understand. Yet, neither of us knows what we are.

“I want passion and lust.” I said

“Passion? Are you sure you can handle the demands of the soul? That need..... the need to give and be given? That urgency of responding to each and every touch, gentle or rough, light or deep? Lust? Can you anticipate the escalating yearns? The demand that knows no bound? Or are you strong enough to tame the desires into submission?”

Her response made me feel as though she had been thinking of what would erupt between us, but I didn’t care. I wanted more. It was new year’s eve and I wanted more than what was there. I wanted to make her mine.

I looked at her cautiously. The light was dim and the night hushed. I moved closer to her and she seemed inviting. The air stood still for a moment and I gazed into her eyes. I saw a glimmer and I smiled because I knew there was hope. A strand of hair fell on her face and she looked down as if waiting for me to pull her chin up. I didn’t know whether to take the risk on a late new year's eve.

Her lips were softer than velvet, coated in an element I envied. Her skin softer than a baby's making me afraid to touch for fear of bruising her. Her heart, purer than gold and I was scared to ask for it's innocence. Her mind more beautiful than sanity but I needed it for myself. I didn’t know whether to take the leap on a late new year's eve.

Do I take the risk? I tell myself that it's only a dream, a fragment of my imagination. Yet she's still there, waiting to be shown pleasures of the night. Things had escalated to levels that my own desire burnt me and my lust tormented me. I was scared.... What if it's just a dream....what if I wake up only to find her in another man’s arms. But…but it's not a dream.... and fear is just a limit to a life where there are no mistakes, no regrets...but can I leap and risk it all?

All I had to do was speak and wait for her reply. Wait for that voice that could unravel my fate or bind it. I had to yield to achieve that desire that burns. Only a sign of yielding can win over a dream. It can pierce through the fear and appeal to the deepest strength. The courage that no one dares to arouse, but one whose ability is weakened by the desire one has. She heightens my imagination to reach the heavens and deepens it beyond the icy cold depths of the oceans. I wanted her to bind my soul with hers and we can become one, and when I would be ready to step out and face reality with a completeness, I wanted her with me.

I wanted to entrust her with my soul and believe in her love. To  release myself from fear and love  her whole. I looked into her eyes. Beautiful as ever. They glimmered under the light. She was beautiful, elegant. Her lips tempting me to lean for a kiss, but it was not yet midnight. It had to be on time. It had to be perfect. But her eyes, what was it about them. They made me  want to jump over a cliff. They made me weak, they made me hasty and I was afraid I might ruin the moment’s magic. The way I always do.

But her eyes spoke of solace. She has a pure soul. She’s a rose. She's a drop of water in the desert. It was almost midnight. I blinked. And in that quarter of a second, I saw the night ahead. I felt her lips on mine. I felt her skin on mine. I felt her heart beat rise. I felt her soul. I felt her purity and realized that she was also scared. She held me close to her, as tightly as she could she clung. And then I held her. In that second I saw the new year through her eyes. And just like that, she was mine to love.


The sound of her morning yawn brought me back. This new year came with a beautiful gift. The gift of love. 

Tuesday, 30 December 2014

RECORDING BEAUTIFUL MEMORIES

When this year started I was an independent girl looking to find herself. I had vowed to take the path of singlehood to discover myself. To understand who Jacquie is, and to know what kind of man she wants by her side. I had been alone for 7 months and I couldn’t be happier. Well, that was the case until I was struck by cupid’s arrow in February.

I met this young man who was handsome, charming, principled, and most of all he was spiritual. I knew right there that I had found the man for me. The first sign was when he went down on one knee before our friends and asked me to be his lady. He made me feel special. Like a little girl about to step in her glass slippers and rock the world. That was the beginning of beautiful memories. Memories I knew I would hold dear in my heart as time passed by.

Today as I write this, I am single again. Not because love did me wrong, but because not all good things are meant to last. I fell in love with this young man. He taught me how to laugh more. He appreciated every time I made a change for the better. He spoke highly of me to his friends and family. He loved me and I adored him. Life always seemed endurable with him. However, sometimes people have to make tough choices. We let go of that which we love hoping that they will be happy. We say goodbye even when we know it’s going to hurt. We smile yet deep down we wish life had taken a different course. We continue to love even when it hurts. Until the day our hearts have had enough of sorrow and start healing again.

2014 taught me a few things about love. Love is a conscious choice. Not the love that is only comprised by feelings, no. The love that seeks the happiness of your partner. The love that forgives, honours and respects. Your partner may not always do what is right, but if you chose to love them, then teach them what is right. Love is beautiful. Letting go of someone you love is never easy, but you shouldn’t regret it. Love is a beautiful thing. It makes you happy for no good reason. It makes you more patient. It teaches you things about yourself that you never knew. The one thing love does, is that it reminds you of who you are. A beautiful soul.

So to my dear friend, who was once my partner, thank you. Thank you for the good times. For the laughter, for the arguments, for the dates and for the castles we built in the air. Mostly though, I am grateful for the person I am today. I am a girl who laughs more. I am a girl that has learnt to give herself more credit. I am also a girl who has known that love is beautiful because I saw it through your eyes. I know that one day I will find my missing piece, but even now I am grateful to have loved you.

I know that we will always cross paths, but I also know I have a friend in you. So this piece I dedicate to you. A friend.
Love,

Jacquie

Tuesday, 23 December 2014

Jostein Gaarder, in Sophie’s World, quoted “... the only thing we require to be good philosophers is the faculty of wonder….”

Recently, a young man came into my life. We met as a result of a shared interest in acting, but I thought of him as another acquaintance with nothing more than a casual correspondence. This young man, as a few days would have it, would be called my son. Although he is a year older than I, my maternal instincts kick in when we spend time together. I always hope he’s doing alright and that he doesn’t forget his goals. It was even more surprising when one Sunday I prayed for him.

I chose to write about this young man because through him, I learnt why, to me, Religion is more than just an abstract concept that tries to define existence. The young man told me that one of his favourite books is Sophie’s World by Jostein Gaarder. This is a tale of a young girl who receives lessons on philosophy through letters from a stranger. As she learns philosophy, she begins to ask herself questions about life. “Who are you?” and “Where did you come from?” These questions make matters in the reality we live in seem trivial.

We talked of more books and I hanged on every word as he told of tales of authors I was yet to meet in their words. I asked him to recommend a few books, and he did. He asked me not to read Sophie’s World first because he thought it would confuse me as it did him. I was quick to say that I would be fine, and that even if I was not, I would just have to find myself again. Strangely, of all the books he mentioned, that was the one I was determined to read the most. So I began the journey.

As I read, we would still converse and eventually he derailed me. He asked if I was sleepy and I was lost for words trying to find the connection between the book and sleep. He reminded me that the previous day I had dozed off, leaving him to finish a conversation in his mind. He completely disregarded my choice to read the book first, and proceeded to seek answers to questions that had troubled him.

He began by explaining his stance. “God is not Muslim, Christian or Jewish. Religion is an institution created by man. That's why there are so many! Even within each Religion there are a dozen denominations. The question of which is the right Religion is really that much harder to answer when you consider that. Plus, each Religion has its own set of holy books that it claims are divinely inspired. How do you choose? How do you know whose side God is on?”

In order to have this conversation, I had to be honest. There was a time I asked what would happen if I found out Christianity was a lie? However, the same answer would resurface. We live by faith. Not the kind that is based on theories but one that is practical. All the faiths believe in one God. Except those that have multiple gods. All the faiths have prophets. All the faiths have basic principles that cut across. The question then becomes, what can I live with and what can I live without?

I believe Religion is a human institution with a divine beginning and a humanized outcome. I say this because it is a reflection of cultural theories that have finally been condensed into one. God exists. At least even those with many gods recognize there is 'the god' superior to others. He was quick to ask for the position of Science and I gave a response that surprised me.

Like Religion, Science is an abstract concept that seeks to explain existence. However, Science lives to critique Religion but Religion, Religion stands on a spiritual platform. Science is the human endeavour to understand the extraordinary. It tries to explain 'why' yet to understand the 'why' you must explain 'what' makes the 'why'. Science tries to say everything has a reason that we can fathom, but how can we understand a world that existed before our creation?

Science is an entity that tries to persuade men that life happens by accident sort of. That life's happenings are independent. So if life's happenings are independent, we cease having a reason to live. We no longer consider that because life is a series of interdependent factors, what we do has an impact no matter how small. That is what religion is about. There is a Superior Being with a plan for all mankind. How do we find this plan? We ask the Superior Being. Even Bertrand Russell, an atheist, said that unless you assume a God, the question of life’s purpose is meaningless.

We went back to the question of Religion. He said that he is afraid of being a hypocrite. Engaging in activities that are prohibited, and proudly claiming to be religious. His conscience cannot allow it. I responded with a personal experience. The church I attend has a drama ministry. Last year we were staging a play. Before rehearsals began, we would engage in a Bible study session. One evening, the pastor explained an interesting concept. When we choose to accept Christ, we don't seize to be sinners, we learn to sin less. We ought to become more conscious of evils. The effort we put in is what dictates what kind of a Christian you are. You can't say you're saved and every Friday you're out and next morning you are in a ditch. You get saved and learn to control your drinking. One less beer until the point you feel, this is my limit or you stop altogether. The bible doesn't say don't drink. It's drunkenness that's the problem.

Those that take Religion strictu sensu (in a literal way); make others shy away from it. They demand perfection, yet we are not created perfect to begin with. The faith we profess is that which perfects us.

“So what you're saying is that Religion exists to give life meaning and that one should just choose what Religion works for them by virtue of faith?” He asks.

“Exactly.”

“And does one necessarily need a Religion to worship God?”

“Now that's the thing. You can't claim to be seeking a higher goal if it is not defined by a being superior to you. If you can define your higher goal then it means you exist for your own purpose, which isn't the case.”

“Yes, but do you need to be affiliated to any specific Religion to recognize this superior being?”

“No. In the end, believing in God is important. The reason people affiliate with a certain Religion is because it is believed that through the Holy Books, God speaks to us. I believe Religion will always be dynamic because humankind is dynamic. We cannot allow what we profess to segregate us, yet we are quick to admit we are all different. Therefore, to impose one's Religion on another is denying the other person the ability to exercise their free will.”

“Hmmm... I feel a bit more enlightened about Religion now.”

It reaches the climax when he asks if law school is where they taught me to make crystal clear arguments in favour of my opinions. True as it may be, I had decided not to have faith in something I can't defend. So today I can confirm I believe in what I profess. The question to be answered on a societal level is “Why Religion?” If you can understand that, then the question of “Which Religion?” will be a personal journey.

“Although now writing this, I’m starting to think I'm crazy.” This is exactly how I ended that conversation. I still have doubts in my head about whether my thoughts make sense, but even I support Gaarder. The faculty of wonder is the first step to determine if I can be a philosopher.

Until the next friend that inspires me, I choose to pen off here.

Jacquie.

The same was published on http://www.sedcontra.com.ar/sedafrica.html 

Wednesday, 10 September 2014

THE GIRL THAT HID

He saw her looking down in the corner.
Everyone else was chatting up, if not a friend, then trying to get acquainted with the strangers.
He approached her cautiously.
He wanted to know her story.
She noticed him coming her way and she lifted up her head.
He saw the mask, but said nothing.
When he reached, she made no attempt to take it off.
Then before he managed to utter a word, she spoke.
"I am," she said. A long eerie silence followed.
He thought she wanted to tell him her name.
"Well, I'm Jo...."
"I am the girl that lives behind a mask."
He was stunned. Silenced. Put to thought.
"But why?"
"Why deny thyself the pleasure of being thee?"
"Because, because nobody ever understands."

That was the life of darling Penny Poe. She was the girl that everyone saw but nobody knew. The girl that walked around but nobody ever heard. The girl that lived but nobody felt. A faint heart searching for her place. She was lovely to many, but to herself a mirage of fantasies. She sought solitude because that is where she found company. Strangely, she always found herself in a crowd and as a result she wore a mask. She was afraid to show her face. Why? Because life to her was a mystery not worth solving.
But after the question he asked, she saw life for what it was. She couldn't die without being in any memory. She couldn't disappear without a trace. But just as she began to understand, the darkness consumed her. Dawn became dusk and her fears came true. She faded away like the leaves that are caught up in a breeze. She was the girl that lived but life never saw her.

Jacquie

Monday, 1 September 2014

WHEN A FAMILIAR FACE BECOMES A STRANGER

They say that when opposites attract, the bond formed is stronger than that of similar persons. This is something that even Science cannot refute. The result of many a such attractions is great friendships or life long relationships that are more often than not cherished for life. I had or have such a friend. I say had because I am not sure if that friendship will continue to hold water after a current occurrence. I can say have because I do hope that deep down that friendship still exists in our hearts even if cannot continue to exist in reality. Some may call such a friendship forbidden but I tend to think that all relationships can be saved if both parties come to a consensus. It may be far fetched but who's to say one has been damned to their faults?
Walking through the corridors and seeing that face in silence. When you cannot even utter a hello because you are afraid of no response. When you cannot text because you know you will finish the conversation in your head pretending to know what the other would say. When you have a dream about this person which on a normal day you would talk about and laugh, you ask yourself why your dreams are invaded. When your friend talks about them but you can't comment because you no longer know this person. Their face is familiar but they have become a stranger whose thoughts you no longer know and whose actions cannot be predicted. It is as though the memories have been erased and the expectations crushed. The glass that was almost full was pushed over the edge and the water seeped through the soil and the glass broke as if shattering every bit of evidence.
So now I am in an odd place. Questions and thoughts compete because there is no consistent train of thought. Sometimes absence suppresses emotions but seeing someone after a myriad of recurring things that are distinct to this person you realize that you can only forget so much. Time and again however we shall cross paths on a personal level but the outcome shall be solely dictated by circumstance. Shall we cease to be familiar and always remain strangers or shall that veil be lifted and reality shall become as we once knew it? I guess time will tell the tale of the friends that became.......

Until I can find the words to end this tale, take care.
Jacquie.

Saturday, 30 August 2014

SOMETIMES NORMAL IS EASIER THAN COMPLICATED

Today was one of  those random Saturdays when I was up for a party but ended up chilling with a long time friend. The peace and quiet of the evening was so inviting that I decided to do some takeout and go on a date with my ever so faithful partner, my bed. After shooting videos for an assignment my pal was driving to Karen for a team building and she offered me a ride. Although I was in the mood for a party I called up a friend and found myself on a couch the whole afternoon. And on another couch was my friend. His other friend was taking a power nap after a great time out the previous night. Quite frankly I  had expected this day to go much worse, but seated here writing I can only believe that sometimes normal is better than complicated.

There are people in our lives whose significance is undefined. I say undefined because we are yet to figure out what God's plan is by placing them in our lives. Sometimes it is by geographical circumstance like in the case of my friend, and other times it is chemistry. Again like in the case of my friend. Persons whose value cannot be determined because regardless of how much time you spend apart for some reason when you get together hours fly as you catch up and reminisce on childhood memoirs like you want to fill them in on everything. Today I realized I have such a friend. The friend that will be away for some time in the future, but history will play by its rules again and a few years from now we shall have an afternoon whose minutes can't be traced.

Going in today I was unsure of what would happen. Quite frankly I was a bit worried because I was afraid of what I already know. That there is a kind of love that never fades away. The love that the sands of time cannot corrupt but the one the heart can live without in abundance. The love that leaves the heart in peace and in high spirits. However, it is a love that lingers but never settles. That love is what defines such friendships. Where the normal is better than the complicated. Where you settle for what you can get because anything more is intoxicating to the point flight. And I am glad he settled for the normal because now I know that the friend I have is one who will always be a part of the special moments. You may not know who you will meet in life but be careful to remember why you crossed paths. They might just be more special than you think.

So until next time dear friend, be safe.
Jacquie.

Monday, 18 August 2014

THE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS

She was trembling again.
She could feel it lurking right around the corner
The past that she dreaded was on her tail again.
I had heard the stories
Those of the nights she never had.
She was awake
Wide awake thinking of how everything would fall into place again.
The sleepless nights
Spent asking if she was making the right choices
If she was being true to herself.
She spoke of the thoughts that scared her to tears.
She got lost in the distance of her dreams
Yet she felt trapped by the reality that surrounded her.
She wanted to run
The destination would be unknown.
Just when she thought she had gotten her foothold
Reality had to steal the only thing she had left.
That's how she was robbed of her hope.
She believed in the new but the old was lurking
It was catching up with her.
She knew it would eventually overtake her
But she was willing to fight until the end.
She wanted to believe that she was strong enough
She needed to know she was brave enough
She desperately wanted self-affirmation.
Life never gave it to her once
The people she trusted in never listened.
She was screaming but the world heard silence
The silence that neither attracts nor distracts.
So the sleepless nights continued
She hoped they would end before she lost all.
Finally her heart found the courage to speak
When she opened her mouth it was to say goodbye.
It was time for a new reality
Time for happiness
Time to give color back to her cheeks
Time to smile genuinely
Not to be afraid of someone seeing the pain through her eyes.
The time had come for her to have a night of sleep
She would tell no more the tale of sleepless nights.

Peaches.

Saturday, 9 August 2014

THE GRANNY DRESSER

The other day I was chatting up a friend when a mutual acquaintance strolled in. Much to my surprise, she was trying out a new pair of heels. My only problem was that those heels looked like granny heels. In a world of youth and glamour, I think some ladies, not forgetting the men, like taking the easy way out when it comes to appearance.
A phrase arose as a result of this cocoon. "Don't expect me to look like a Victoria secret model when you don't look like the Calvin Klein models". I don't dispute the fact that certain people have superfluous expectations, but the majority of us, we just want you to put in some effort. It is very taxing when a lady walks into a room and her outfit reminds you of your granny. What's even worse is when the reigning thought is "My mother dresses better than you".
Another popular complaint is that spouses tend to let go of themselves after they tie the knot. I am not excusing this idea, but when you are single and ready to mingle, you can't walk into room looking rounder than a fully pregnant woman and claim nobody likes you. As a man, when you have a beer belly and you are not yet past forty, then I think you cannot complain if your lady doesn't care for image. If the man she is with cannot make an effort, how can she? Exercise is not every girl's best friend, but she gets motivated when she sees you trying.
The dynamics of how one dresses are interpreted differently in various contexts. However, indecent is by no means a way of sprucing up your image. There are very many elegant dressing women who are decent and still turn heads when they walk into a room. The key is confidence. Not arrogance, confidence. This comes so easily when you leave the house knowing you look GOOD.
Some people ask what it means to look good. I put it simply. Know your body shape and pick colours that complement your skin tone. You cannot walk into a room wearing a screaming yellow dress and you are as black as coal. The yellow just enhances how dark you are. When you are plump, refrain from wearing clothes that are baggy. Unfortunately this makes you look bigger. I am not saying you wear tight clothes. No! Wear clothes that fit you so that you don't look like you are competing with your younger sister.

So if you know you dress like a granny, it is  time to treat yourself to tasteful dressing. Ask that friend you feel dresses elegantly. Or be daring enough to take a man when you go shopping. Trust him when he says you look good, but don't take that as a compliment when all your assets are struggling to stay inside your clothes. Looking good doesn't cost you anything. In fact, it inspires greatness.

Till next time,
Peaches.  

Wednesday, 30 July 2014

DEAR SAMSON

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Should this also be the case for Delilah?
Is she allowed to miss her puppy?
Can she miss the one that evokes untold passions within her?
She misses him dearly.

Every moment alone reminds her of the time she would see him
Then her heart would ache for something more
Yet when he asks her what more she wants she is silent
Because deep down she knows he will never be hers
And so she is almost in tears.

Why does his absence make her uneasy?
She shivers needing him to touch her
But what touch would soothe and heal her wounds
If she cannot tell him the truth?
Delilah misses you.

She wishes she could tell him how she feels
Because every time she sees him her heart skips a beat
She wants him to know her heart is his if he wants it
She hopes that he will return soon to make her smile again
And just maybe give his heart to her.

As one more day passes she is in fear
Maybe he will forget her. Her scent. Her face.
She can only hope that absence will make his heart grow fonder
But because she knows he will never be hers
She drowns in a hole of hope
And slowly she fades from the face of love
Disappearing into the realm of lust.

Yours Truly,
Delilah.

Tuesday, 20 May 2014

It was at that time that I came to reality with her unspoken fear
I was in a place of uncomprehendable oblivion
A place with an entry but without possible exit. 
It was a cold and windy night
When the moon was pale and blue
And the reality behind it was too much
The howling of the hounds scared me
It sent a cold chill down my spine
The cooing of the owls was deafening
The adrenalin that rushed through my body seemed triggered
I sat there all alone
Fighting against the nick of time
Fighting for a free and fruitful life

Is this how it feels inside?
To feel hollow as though the world has gone wild
Is it the constant reminder
Or the continuous reminiscing
No! maybe the constrained emotion of sadness
I lost the daintiest part of me
That which made me totally complete
And now I wonder if life is
What people say it is
Why did I allow myself to get lost?

Now I have to let go
To stop holding on to something
That was once so dear yet not mine anymore
I let a part of me go
And now I feel numb and void
The hollowness is consuming
The emptiness is draining
The brokenness is splitting
But I have no right to complain
Neither can I dare shed a tear
Because though I made that mistake
I seem to have found a new path
One whose journey is less destructive.

Goodbye.






DAN GAKOMBE

The other day a friend of mine requested me to blog about them. To be honest, it was one of the hardest things because what I knew about him and who he is are quite different. I say this because we are classmates. My opinion was formed by seeing him the days I did and the few things I heard about him. Writing about someone based on social impression and not actual knowledge can be misleading. Today I write because I finally got a feel of who Dan Gakombe is.

It was Monday afternoon, right after a paper when it finally dawned on me what to write. A sort of argument ensued of how the relationships of today are materialistic and pretentious. This was a rather passionate topic for Dan and I think maybe there is a story behind it to be told. Far from that, this is what I finally felt I should put down.

Dan is the type of kid who doesn't see the need to be in class everyday. Some say that routine is for primary and high school. Others, a minority, have the need to attend each and every class to indulge in new pieces of information that add to their knowledge. A little birdie also spoke of how Dan internalizes once he reads. He doesn't have to burn the midnight oil in order to comprehend a concept, and the way he elucidates it with comparisons makes one wonder what eye they were looking at the very same information with. With this ability, he is also willing to help out even the most hopeless of souls. He doesn't view certain people as wheat and others as chaff; to him all are the same.

Nobody really ever wants to listen to ones intellectual ability to grasp things. With this in mind, there is more to Dan than the kid who speaks genial things. He is a conceptualist. One of the few who think outside the box. When it comes to the implementation aspect you would have to ask him. One of his ideas was to start a football academy. This translates from the very fact that he is a good football player and a couple of his friends can attest to that.

Gax, as his friend call him, has stood the test of time and proven to be a worthy and loyal friend. His boys and FIFA always come before the ladies. He partys like he is paid to attend but in all honesty he just loves to have a good time. This must come as a result of his parents' comprehension of what it means to be a youth. These very parents are always supportive in all his prospective agenda. He has wanted to be a computer whiz to a point he started doing a diploma. The idea of being a football manger has crossed his mind and a certain friend has faith in this dream. Right now he wants to be a lawyer. I would know because I sit in the same class with him. The bottom line is that he wants to be rich. Let's just see which path will get him there first.

From a distance,
Jacquie




Sunday, 11 May 2014

THE SILENT DEMISE

The journey of sanity began that eerie morning. All hell broke loose and emotions ran deep. Deeper than the Mississippi. They flowed in a fit to destroy. Like the magma that corrodes the earth and pollutes the waters. The race began.
The palpitations of the heart threatened a heart attack. The inconsistency of blood pressure threatened a stroke. I looked around in search of a way out. What could I do?? I woke up in captivity. I felt strangled by life. I tried coughing, I choked. I tried to scream but my vocal chords were muted. I was in a hole in whose corners I saw no outlet.
The hole I dug had an uknown depth. Then it began to rain and the soil flowed in as mud. I wanted to leave but it felt as though I stood in sinking sand. I stretched out but nobody lurked in the wet lands.
After what seemed like an eternity my mouth was covered. Then asphyxiation. My lungs were filled with muddy water until I took my last breath. And just like that I was gone. Dust to dust with the aid of the sun. With time the wind would blow my particles away. The hunger of the termites would make me untraceable.
A lost spirit followed by a broken soul. I dug my whole and died in it. That was my sorrowful goodbye. A silenced demise.

Jacquie

Thursday, 28 November 2013

THE OTHER SIDE OF LIFE

Another morning comes
And I am woken by the shuffling of feet and the hustle and bustle of cars
The endless hooting tears at my ears until
I realize that today will be no different from yesterday.
I wake up to the same madness each morn.
As  if I am pleading to exist
Yet I curse that very existence.
You on the other hand wish my life away.
The constant relentless stares remind me that I am a vermin.
A pest hoping that people will glance at and see
But you look and see through me.
You behave as though I am infested
Infested with a gruesome spirit of poverty and filth
Filling the streets with a slow, inviting, torturous air whose scent is more bitter than gile.
For me,
All I can reminisce on is death.
I yearn for that final grip that will put an end to my pain.
The pain is more than physical.
It is the constant reminder that I am less valued than the crawling creatures.
You don't even feel I deserve the two shillings change you get from the supermarket.
And when it lands in my hands,
It is the guilt and pity you feel from a Sunday preaching.
You say I should get a job.
If child labour is not good enough for your child,
Does it make it right for me in my circumstance?
Yes, beggars cannot be choosers
But do you think I chose my predicament?
The little hope I had left me one slow night
When I almost came face to face to death
But sadly even death doesn't want me
So I am left to wander the streets.
You will always see me
You will always ignore me
But I will never stop wishing that I was in your shoes.

Yours truly,
The street urchin....

Saturday, 19 October 2013

ANOTHER CHAPTER ENDS

Most of my life I spent writing poems and I had fun expressing myself on paper. They were even more valuable when people seemed to connect with the art of playing with words from an emotional and intellectual level mixed. However, like every child, I want to grow up and put an end or very little focus to poetry come the end of this month. I want to get out of that emotional cocoon and open myself up to the myriads of real experiences people go through and put them in a form of short stories or imaginative features that trigger images and bring people to the realities around them.
The reason for this shift is that I would like to begin writing a book. I know that I cannot write fantasy or fiction because of trial and error. I also know that following up a series of events can be somewhat difficult. Coming across an experience and illustrating it at that moment works best for me and I am ready to take that new step. The rest of the month will be filled with my last pieces that I chose to put up other than destroy.

This transition is an example of many things that I am leaving behind as I close a certain chapter of my life. The past  is something most of us struggle with and no matter how much we may try to forget, without them, we wouldn't be who we are today. The past creates two sides to every person. The one we are and the one we would like to be. And sometimes, we are think we are stuck in what we are, but change is not always that bad. The change is not about external pressures but internal motives. Take up daily exercises because you want to be fit, and not to make those around you notice you. Get married because you found the right man and are ready to make that step. If you do it because society dictates that you marry at a certain age, or your family cannot seem to get off your back, guess who will be miserable? You, you and you.
The other day I spoke to a friend and they shared how the past consumed them because they were afraid of the mistakes that were possible. My father says that "History repeats itself". Oscar Wilde says "To define is to limit". The two intertwined are true to certain extents but that always comes down to an individual. Who you are was a result of the choices you made in the circumstances that surrounded you. Who you can be will be a result of conscious choices based on your dreams and who you are. If you choose not to make that mirror look, you become stuck in your own fears and possible dreams

"Life is like a book. Unless you turn the pages, you are stuck in the suspense of what you can do and that which you cannot." This is my new mantra. Turn the pages and be in control but be true to yourself.
For those who are religious, remember God is the beginning of your existence.
For the non-believers, remember it starts from within and not without.
For all of us, let not your past define you. The circumstances may be disabling, but capability can only be limited by thoughts.
So.........
What do you want to leave behind? Why?? And where are you going???

Just a morning thought........
Peaches

Monday, 14 October 2013

LOOKING AT YOU

Recently I met a lad who seems to always put a smile on my face. Each time I look at him I see something different and it amazes me. The first time we met, there was an innocence about him that was almost pure. The second time I saw him I felt as though I was looking at a creation with so much to give and I wanted to know him, but something held me back. As time went by, the lad and I became  friends. The last time I saw him, I saw a truth in his eyes I knew was different. An air of ease that is too exquisite it makes me want to act but I cannot without some form of nudge.
My nerves jump when I see him but when we converse they take to a calmness I seem to enjoy. I would say I love having him around, but am sure it would go to his head and I would never hear the end of it. His interests fascinate me because they speak of a need that can only be filled by a perfection granted by God. Each time he glances my way I find myself smiling and the response is similar. There is something about him that is dangerously captivating yet serene in ways I can't explain.
I know there are many words I can use to define him, but time will tell of how he shall be defined. As I get to know him I shall write more to explain who he is and the impact he seems to have in my life..........


WISHES TO BE REMEMBERED

The day you told me you wanted to know me better
I more than wished I could be yours
The first time I got to know you
I wanted you to like me
The many times you glanced my way
I wished I could be seated next to you for you to gaze into my eyes
The first time I heard you call my name
I wished for it to become a melody for your lips
Then one day I stopped wishing
You called me to you
I came without hesitation because I understood to whom I was going
I realized that I had always been yours but I never accepted you
I remembered there were times you called but I was deafened by the pleasures of this world
I understood that I never left your sight because you were always watching over me
Now that I belong to you I have just but one last wish
You not only like me but love me in a way that is incomparable
When you look my way I can shut my eyes and get lost in your embrace
Every time I speak I know you are listening even before I open my mouth
And now each time you call I respond almost immediately
My wish is that you teach me the ways of your Father, our Father
Because it is only through you, Jesus, that I can comprehend His ways.
I remember my wishes because I was blind
The day you opened my eyes they became the reality I wish to live by.

John 14:16
Jesus said to him," I am the way, the truth and the life; no one comes to the Father but by me."

Your loving daughter,
Jacquie...


FRIENDSHIP

Like a river flowing by the rocks,
It flows into our hearts
Getting deeper with each distance it covers
Becoming conscious with each passing moment
It is like a pearl that is cherished for its beauty
Valued for its rareness
And treasured for its meaning.

It is like a rare gem among the rubies
Hard to notice but when captured it is breathtaking
And like many things it has a foundation
One that is laid by different actions
Especially those that ate encouraging
And those who are truly mindful
Take note of one's interests and feelings.

A friendship is made by two or more
But the best one is between you and God
Then the others should fall into place
And no matter how hard it may seem to be
When achieved it is so precious that letting go will prove to be a challenge.

The beauty of an apple is seen on the outside.
But even as a fruit it comes in various colours
The few who bite into one understand what it does to their taste buds
That is who some opt fro green apples, some the red and others pinklady.
Similarly, until you spend time with a person
You will never know what they can be in your life
Don't be too quick to judge
Seek to understand then to be understood
The difference this makes in a friendship can only be told by those who travelled the path.

Appreciate a friend today!
Peaches.....

IF....

If I said it hurt,
I would not have completely explained it
And so I choose to call it an enigma
One that is so accurate in feeling
Yet lost in a myriad of words that seem to be worthless by the letter.
The pain is somewhat unbearable
Yet my heart is till in one piece.
The tears trickle on the inside
But the reason is beyond my understanding.
I want to cry
But the tears choose to remain within
I want to scream
But my voice softens when I open my mouth
I want to quit
But my conscience believes I can go on
Yet each time I think about it
I am overwhelmed by emotions that cannot be explained
If I could, I would write the pain away
If I could, I would take pictures and hang them on a wall
If I could, I would take the brush and paint the story
If I could, I would take up a character in a play just to leave my reality
But who am I kidding?
I can get through this
The problem is that I am afraid of what I am capable of
And until I trust in the one above
I become stuck in a dimension with no exit
Yet all I have to do is remember the way I got in.