Sunday, 23 December 2012

bleeding heart

So today I am the one with a bleeding heart.
Knowing something belongs to me,
Yet I cannot have it even if I plead.
Some could say I sought it,
But in truth,
It came my way without a wish nor a hope.
It drowns me every minute I think about it
As there is no way out.
My heart cries out in search of a freedom
A freedom I know I cannot possess.
I dreamt of a future I already have,
Yet I feel no satisfaction.
Maybe the sands of time have something else planned for me,
But I cannot judge a future untold.
When I came into this place,
I had an encounter with a fear
A fear I wished so much never to face.
Unfortunately with each passing day,
The fear comes closer to being realised.
Am I ready?
Only God's timing will suffice
And dictate the readiness of my heart.
The end result is not in my hands,
But in those of another.
I pledged full surrender from that day and now am in a prison.
That which gives rise to queries
Queries I wish not to clarify.
For the very reason that
Explaining will only bring rise to harm than good.
Sometimes choosing not to respond
Is better than explaining the misunderstanding.
My heart bleeds from a self infliction without escape.
The chains of bondage
Which can only be unbound by those whom I allow,
Are tighter than any chains bound by myself.
My emotional fate is sealed with a title unknown,
Left for the future untold.
So today I bleed with the choreography of the clock,
I just hope that when I stop bleedding,
The tick tick tick of the living room clock shall not have stopped.


Thursday, 29 November 2012

Survival after being deflowered.

Today I met a friend and we were fortunate enough to catch up and tap into the emotions of the heart. After we talked, all I could do, was liken the beauty of the human race to thatt of the flower.Like the roses and the chrysanthemums, comes the tester, justifier and denier. All  but types of men and women yearning not only be loved, but also to be understood. We live in a society whereby we judge from experience and forget, "To every theory there is an exception." Similarly, based on our past experiences, we tend to make people statistics other than individuals.

The flower thrives on cooperation of all parts. In the same way, man depends on cooperation. Be it from family, friends or colleagues, it is important. A community that adorns us with the confidence required. A people who enable us to discover who we are and exploit our fullest potential. Fortunately, there is more to the flower than the parts and cooperation, there is the ovary and filament. The source of life for the flowers that beautify the earth with their colours and scents.

The human heart and soul that need each other to achieve the very existence of a person. Without the soul, the human heart cannot strive to live. As life begins, we learn to establish walls that allow us to determine how close people come. At times we go through situations that make us create new walls. The basic effects of pain. They either draw us to addictions or make us push people away. Both tactics that cause us more pain than good. Fortunately, wee have those people who give so much of a damn that they push to see we survive.

After we have been made to lose hope. To look at ourselves and see failures. To lose faith in our abilities and to judge ourselves unfairly. There are those who look at us and see that which we stopped seeing in ourselves. With the aid of these persons, we come out of hiding. They help us develop new niceties and get a different perspective. They help us survive after our selfworth is questioned.

Although things never flow smoothly, be sure you get up from your downfalls. Remember, everyone who ever made it in life had rough patches. Just be sure to fill your life with positives and you will survive being deflowered.

Peaches has been there and today she has a lot to be grateful for.

Cheers :-)

value projects

There are times in this life we somewhat aim for the impossible. We seek something that would not have been for us even if God willed it to as the end resut would be more devastative than helpful.
The other day I found myself in such a situation. My thoughts were constantly crippled by that inanimate feeling tearing at my heart. I had no way out as with each passing minute I continued to drown myself in chains of unworthiness. Then it finally hit me and I felt  as though I could kick myself as I had not snapped out of that strange oblivion sooner.
It was the that the monopoly of thoughts and feelings can only be controlled if you take time to stop and think. There are many ways to escape a problem, but one needs to do so in a proper manner. Escaping the problem does not make it any easier. It only complicates  things to a whole other dimension.
In the long run, only these things can achieve an almost perfect method of solution;
Stop in time and accept reality for what it is. Difficult as it may be, it is important.
Try and establish the cause of the problem and not why it is important to get over it as soon as possibble.
Figure out if it is worth your time, let alone your consideration.
And if it is worth it, whether failure to achieve the desired goal will not leave you feeling wasted and ruined.

I hope that when you encounter a problem, it will be worth dealing with. I say this because life is too short to involve yourself with pitiful baggage that you could be better off without.
Good luck, my friend, and I hope that unlike me, you will learn this trade sooner than later.

Goodday :-)  

Tuesday, 6 November 2012

Treasures in life

There are times in life we look back and get surprised by the emotion that engulfs us. Planning out a short term future does not work out as well as a long term plan may work. That which you may seek most at your time of need may prove to be more destructive than you perceive. In every calculated action comes a possible misguided notion that is blinded if one thinks with their heart and not the mind. Life has never seemed simple yet in all honesty, we complicate it ourselves.

We always know what is good for us, yet we do the complete opposite hoping for a different result. The fit of disappointment we have to deal with when the obvious outcome prevails is usually more bruising than that which is unforeseeable. Picking ourselves up from a first time failure is easier than whe you try to overcome a repeat of the same. Why? Because then one has to let go of two things; a habit and the aftermath of failure.

Sadly, our emotional state is also affected because we cannot control what the heart chooses to love. Fortunately, we can choose whom and what we give our heart to. The common saying that love is blind is a mere fault of choice. Just because you love a man, does not mean he has the right to practise domestic violence. If he claims to value you, he willl learn to correct other than instill fear in you. Other times, time brings about incompatibility. The worst thing one can do is blame theselves for the mistakes of another.

In the past two weeks, I learnt two things.
One should not belame themselves for the mistakes of others. Just because someone was not content with what you gave them, does not mean you did anything wrong.
Be with people who make you feel it is okay to be imperfect.

Life is too short to be unhappy, but we all have a fair share of ups and downs. Without them we would not be who we are today. We may not be able to choose when things can go right or wrong, but we can choose who we want to share those moments with. These people tell us that truth we do not want, but need to hear. They pull us up when we fall and help us think when emotions blind us. Appreciate these people every once in a while as they make memorable momentos of life.

Cheers to you if you've made me smile. I appreciate you for being there.

Monday, 5 November 2012

the gratefulness of my heart

I mean sometimes alI just want
Is for that person to read the words infront of them
And without trying to read in between the lines
Or trying to find the catch in the grammatical positioning
They understand what it is I am saying.
Whether it is the simple 'I miss you'
Or the complicated 'Í need you more than you know'
I expect them to get it.
But then the question dawns
Why should I expect you to know how I feel
If I constantly keep sending signals
Instead of coming right out and saying it?
Do I have to explain every gory detail
Yet I know that once I start,
Either I will break down at some point
Or give up altogether?
And then you manage to convince me that
If I trust you,
Everything will be alright and I believe you.
For this reason,
I have a lot to thank you for.
For the times you stayed up with me when I cried
For kissing me on the forehead to show me you care
For holding my hand when I was afraid
And mostly,
For being there when I needed you the most.
I know am not perfect, but,
Thank you for making me feel that it is okay not to be perfect.

I love you Duan,
Peaches :-*

Tuesday, 16 October 2012

Those few minutes before you do something
And every nerve in your body is threatening to scream
That you almost wish you never requested for it
Coz your heart tightens 
And your mouth slowly runs dry
As you have no idea what to say
Where or how to even commmence  
But then when it happens
You thank God for putting you out of your misery
Yet you know deep down it hurts more than it did before.
You wish you never got what you sought
As all the consequences never seemed to be real.
Then when they become deeper than truth
More real than the air you breathe
One is reminded of the emotion lying inside
And you become grateful for the good times that were
Hoping there will be better things to come.

Monday, 24 September 2012

defining you

With the composure of a knight
And the cautiousness of a lord
You know whom to associate with
And when to do A,B,C and D.
With the tranquuility of a swan
You can be provoked to the madness of a bull
Not forgetting the strength of a tiger.
When you take control
I cannot even begin to resist.
I may try to deviate
But my mind cannot win the war against my heart.
I may be silly a couple of times
Or be completely incomprehensible
But maybe you are to blame
For my daily urge to see you
My desires to play around you
My impossibility to reason
And my wish to please you.
Insanity? Maybe
Paranoia? I hope so
For you arethe only treatment
To my emotional ailment.


Thursday, 13 September 2012

That madness you feel
When you wish you did not exist.
When life is at apoint of inanimate sorrow
You pray your very existence did not matter.
Pain could not even begin to explain
That which torments my mind each day.
Confusion could come close to it
But it would be the understatement of the century.

Sometimes I wish I did not care
Or at least not have a weak emotional pillar
That gets so easily broken
Even when it is unreasonable for it to happen.
I wish things could turn out better
Without me having to put myself through that painful torture
Of being the one to make the first step.

If I leave things as they are
I and not the opponent will suffer.
Is it fair?
Of course not.
But life sucks without trying.
So I surrender to the bondage of life
And leave it to God to mae it right.

But what good does that do?
It only makes me helpless and utterly vulnerable
Yet the situation in itself is weakening my soul.
Forgive me for caring
Punish my heart for hoping
Torment my mind for believing in the positive
Crush me for being so weak
But please don't hate me for loving you.


Tuesday, 4 September 2012

love and pain

Why does love have to shed tears
Have fights every new dawn
And be misunderstood for it to be complete?
Is it that one should always
Hope for the best and expect the worst?
Why does completion in love
Include imperfection except when it comes to God?

Does that mean that without;
Fears that scare to death
Heartbreaks that resort to withdrawal
Anger that brings actions with regrets
And sadness similar to that of Juliet
It cannot relish in the hearts of men
To achive that dreamed of happily never after?

I know there are good times to keep love flourishing
But are not bad times the test of love?
Is one not required to prove themselves worthy
Only when they can support in dark times?
So love cannot exist without pain
Thus in love pain will thrive
Hence the adage
A friend in neeed is a friend indeed.

Some may beg to differ
But think about it first
Then decide if I am right or wrong.
Remember that those you love
Cause you the greatest pain
Yet you forgive them
Without a second thought.
So what is love without pain
Yet pain can exist without love?

Tuesday, 21 August 2012

love or convenience


I sit here
Conflicted by choice
Of following the desires of my heart
Or giving in to the lowly ambitions of an artist.
Yes! Talai!
The man whose look in my eyes
Gives me the shivers of a leaf against the wind
Whose every ord
Not only takes me aback
But also provoking unprecedented reactions
Challenging the(tranquil treasures of my heart.

But wait!!!!
Does not Onesmus give in to my every whim?
Does not his art inspire my intentions to be true?
Yes of course
But who would marry a man
Obsessed to the very point
He forgets not only his dream
But his very worth?
Let him find a girl
Willing to bear with his emotional extremities
While I follow my heart.

Why you may ask
And i will tell you.
Because honestly
I would rather admit my love for Talai
And he persistently denies me
For I would have loved but lost
Rather than follow Onesmus
Where there is no ground for love to flourish
And to have never loved at all.