Sunday, 23 December 2012

bleeding heart

So today I am the one with a bleeding heart.
Knowing something belongs to me,
Yet I cannot have it even if I plead.
Some could say I sought it,
But in truth,
It came my way without a wish nor a hope.
It drowns me every minute I think about it
As there is no way out.
My heart cries out in search of a freedom
A freedom I know I cannot possess.
I dreamt of a future I already have,
Yet I feel no satisfaction.
Maybe the sands of time have something else planned for me,
But I cannot judge a future untold.
When I came into this place,
I had an encounter with a fear
A fear I wished so much never to face.
Unfortunately with each passing day,
The fear comes closer to being realised.
Am I ready?
Only God's timing will suffice
And dictate the readiness of my heart.
However,
The end result is not in my hands,
But in those of another.
I pledged full surrender from that day and now am in a prison.
That which gives rise to queries
Queries I wish not to clarify.
For the very reason that
Explaining will only bring rise to harm than good.
Sometimes choosing not to respond
Is better than explaining the misunderstanding.
Oddly,
My heart bleeds from a self infliction without escape.
The chains of bondage
Which can only be unbound by those whom I allow,
Are tighter than any chains bound by myself.
Consequently,
My emotional fate is sealed with a title unknown,
Left for the future untold.
So today I bleed with the choreography of the clock,
I just hope that when I stop bleedding,
The tick tick tick of the living room clock shall not have stopped.

                                                      Peaches